__        __            _                                 
    \ \      / /____      _| |__   __ _  __ _  __ _  ___ _ __ 
     \ \ /\ / / _ \ \ /\ / / '_ \ / _` |/ _` |/ _` |/ _ \ '__|
      \ V  V / (_) \ V  V /| |_) | (_| | (_| | (_| |  __/ |   
       \_/\_/ \___/ \_/\_/ |_.__/ \__,_|\__, |\__, |\___|_|   
                                        |___/ |___/           
        - I shall insult the Universe!



Slowly, with the grace of a beautiful woman stepping into a bath, a long 
slim silver craft lowered itself gently to the ground. Soft light 
streamed from it. From its opening doorway stepped a tall elegant 
creature with a curiously fine grey green complexion. It walked slowly 
towards them.

In its path lay the dark figure of a peasant who had been crying quietly 
to himself since he had watched his liver being eaten by Ogdai's dog and 
had known that no way was he going to get it back, and wondered how on 
Earth his poor wife was going to cope now. He chose this moment finally 
to pass on to better things.

The tall alien stepped over him with distaste and, though you would have 
had to read his face very closely to realise this, a little envy. He 
nodded briefly to each of the gathered Mongol leaders in turn, and 
pulled a small clipboard out from under his heavy metallic robe.

"Good evening," it said in a small weaselly voice, "my name is 
Wowbagger, also called the Infinitely Prolonged, I shall not trouble you 
with the reasons why. Greetings."

He turned and addressed the completely pop-eyed mighty Khan.

"You are Genghis Khan? Genghis Temüjin Khan, son of Yesügei?"

The diary scrolls slipped from Khan's hands to the ground. The pale 
luminesence from Wowbagger's ship suffused his wondering ravaged, 
careworn yellow features. As in a dream the mighty Emperor stepped 
forward in acknowledgment.

"Can I just check the spelling?" said the alien, showing him the 
clipboard, "I would hate to get it wrong at this stage and then have to 
start all over again, I really would."

Khan nodded faintly.

"Right number of aitches, then?" said the alien.

Again, the transfigured Emperor slightly inclined his face, while his 
eyes still boggled.

"Good," said Wowbagger, and made a little tick on his clipboard. He 
looked up. "Genghis Khan," he said, "you are a wanker; you are a 
tosspot; you are a very tiny piece of turd. Thank you." With that he 
retreated into his ship and flew off.

There was a nasty kind of silence.

Later that year Genghis Khan stormed into Europe in such a rage that he 
almost forgot to burn down Asia before he left.

  -- Douglas Adams, The Private Life of Genghis Khan [ Link ]